You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
