Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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