first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
