i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He better not be in your backpack
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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