Pregnant stripper...not hot.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
