His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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