if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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