I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
