i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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