from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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