yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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