Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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