**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
