I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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