What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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