so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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