Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish my penis had an off switch
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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