The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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