Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
