Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Welp...herpes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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