I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
