I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
