You can't motorboat a personality
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
