I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
