I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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