How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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