You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
