You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
