Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
