I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sext me about skeletons
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
