You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
