she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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