I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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