I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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