you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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