sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
