Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
