I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
