I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
