when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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