Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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