great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
