I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
