Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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