I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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