my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
