At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy sore nipples Batman
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
