so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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