Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
