forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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